Libra

September has been a hard month for me. work has been weighing down on me. not the work itself but the people right along side me.

if its one thing I learned in the military, its we are a team. everyone is a team and we work together. now that I am a civilian I truly miss that sense of team and encouragement. its gone. i have ever before seen just how much it has gone then in September.

September made realize who I am as a person and to search deep down within myself.

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I turned to my mythological sign. Libra.

I am reading about who a libra really is and I a can't help but hold back the tears.

Libra Deep Inside:

They are also likely to hide or bend their own true feelings in order to bring peace with a group and to make others like them. Sometime this results in them not really knowing what their true feelings are because they are trying to make everyone happy. Other people can see this and Libras have earned themselves a reputation for being indecisive, they simply do not want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause disorder or friction in a situation. This spills over inside the person and many times, Libras have difficulty making decisions. Inside, the Libra is very insecure, they suffer from a lack of self confidence, they are always searching for something to complete them. This is another reason why they are social butterflies, it is an unconscious attempt to find the missing peace through other people. By trying to appease other people all the time, Libras don't really know who they are inside. Libras desperately need love and approval, they will do the favors that people ask and and have a hard time saying 'no' or 'I'm too busy' in order to prove how nice they are, this gradually builds up resentment and negative self esteem issues inside. Libra's indecisiveness is caused by fear, their fear that a wrong decision will make everything come crashing down around them and cause turmoil in their lives. Life is not like that and the Libra that acknowledges the fact that life has ups and downs will be less emotionally wound up, not so hard on themselves and as a result, they will be a much happier person. 

found here


I can't help but not cry because this is exactly how I have been feeling. this is who I am and to read it out like this brings chills down my spine. its like someone has been watching me and waiting for me to find this and to read it and to realize just how very right it is.

September I was trying my hardest to be the peacemaker. to try and get along with everyone. I was constantly feeling as though I was stuck in the middle and being pulled one direction and then into another direction. it has been extremely hard for me to stand up for my own right because, just like the phrase above states, I am constantly afraid that with the wrong decision, no matter how much I feel it's right deep down within myself, that decision will come crashing down around me and cause turmoil in my life.

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I have been searching for something to complete me. a change.

I am stale right now. I am weak. I am tired.

No longer will I hide behind my own fear of indecisiveness. I will stand my ground for me and for what I feel is right. no more will I be a puppet for someone elses amusement. no more will I be used for someone elses lack of laziness and no more will I allow them to throw me down because I do in fact, stand my ground, once and for all.

Its time to make a change. not only for the life around me, but for deep down within myself. to find my balance again. my inner peace and my inner happiness.

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I am so very thankful to have my little family because without them right now it would be nearly impossible. Josh and Jayden make me stronger everyday. in tough times they run through my mind. their faces, their beauty. I stand my ground for them.

for me. for us.