Things I'm afraid to tell you

As I was going through my reader I noticed something going around called 'Things im afraid to tell you' ...

Here and Here for example.

Lately I have been thinking up of a way to just let it all out. All of it. Things that I want you, the reader to possibly know about me. Nothing really personal but things I just felt uncomfortable telling you and coming up with ways to try and be more comfortable to ... well, tell you.

Then I saw this topic floating around Blogland and thought 'wow, perfect timing'. 

• I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing but I read all kinds of blogs of all different types and one of the main reasons why I hardly comment, isn't because I don't want to but because in the end, I just can't seem to come up with anything to say. Mainly because I just can't relate to the post or person posting it. Whether it has to do with crafting, DIYing, fashion... etc... I just can't relate. I never seem to have the time. I never have the time to craft. Heck our master bathroom has gone NOwhere because of lack of time and even though I like fashion and clothes and all that girly stuff... I never have anywhere to go to wear it. I work in an aircraft hangar with dirty, stinky military aircraft and even stinkier coworkers {all of which are men}. I wear blue jeans, steel toe boots and a work shirt with my hair pulled back. By the time I leave work my face is oily from being out in the heat, my clothes smell like fuel and my hands are typically covered in Hydraulic fluid and aircraft grease. No 'What I wore Wednesday' posts for me because no one will think what I wear is anything remotely close to cute. Now im not saying this is a bad thing, it's just a thing I guess. Like the Black Sheep of Blog land {lol}.

• I have no friends. You think im joking, but im not. When I left the Military 99% of my friends that I had moved away, whether it was them getting out and going back home or getting orders to another base. I was not only a newly made civilian, but I was friendless. And to go back to what I mentioned above, about the 'time' thing... I have no time to meet friends. I am always working and because im always working, once the weekends come we just want to spend time together as a family, before quickly going back into another busy work week. It's been 5yrs since I have been out on a 'Girls night'. 5yrs since Ive had coffee or lunch with a friend. 5yrs since a friend has come over and well you get the picture. It's been so long since I have interacted with anyone remotely close to being a friend that I feel weird now when meeting new people. Like I have lost my mo-jo. Like I am a hermit now and when im 75yrs old I will become one of those crazy cat ladies w/96 cats because those cats will be my friends. All 96 of them. 

• Lastly- Because of my job and it being a male dominant profession... I have picked up a nasty habit and lucky for you, it's not picking a wedgie or chewing dip or any other type of nasty man-habit, but it's another nasty one and im trying to work on it. I curse and I curse a lot. You might not know it from reading my blog and I might have slipped up a time or two here and there and said 'shit' but that's mild compared to my mouth at work. Luckily I am able to turn off the dirty mouth when im at home but at work it's bad. And to go along with the bad mouth I have bad humor. I don't let my humor out on this blog all that much because it will more then likely offend someone but I have really bad dirty humor. I'm not so ashamed of my sense of humor as I am of my trucker mouth, mainly because, well.... I think im funny {not to toot my own horn or anything}... You might say that maybe I don't have any friends because of my filthy mouth and dirty humor and maybe your right, but like I said, I have learned how to turn it off, it's just once I walk into work the switch gets turned on and it's game time. Hehe. 

So there you have it. My 3 major things that I have always wanted to tell you, but felt a bit uncomfortable tell you or letting the 'world' know. So for the future if you read along in one of my posts and come across the word 'shit'... Just say I didn't warn you ;-)

Happy Birthday

I woke up this morning and after a few rounds of stretches and making a big ol pot of coffee it dawned on me.

Today is my Birthday. Ta-da!

Of course I knew it was my Birthday today. I mean how coooool is it to have a Birthday on a FRIDAY? And the fact that I took today off from work because it's {my birthday} {on a friday}?? Or that yesterday after getting Jayden loaded up in the car to head home after a loooong day and putting my key into the ignition and realizing that my car wasn't starting? Oh that's right... of course it wouldn't start because the very next day is... my Birthday!! {don't worry, car finally started after being jumped... although the battery is brand new so next week im taking it in to be checked out/serviced}.

via

I am now that much closer to 30. It's all good though. Honestly I never can picture myself being this 'old'. maybe it's because im the baby in the family and 27yrs old isn't really 'baby' anymore. it's grown-up. like real time grown-up. do you know what I mean? it seems like just yesterday I was 18 and that sometimes it still feels like like im 19/20 when I think about my age, which I guess isn't such a bad thing but I will admit. im at that point now where sometimes when people ask me how old I am, I really have to think about it for a split second before answering. a few weeks ago I told someone I was 25 and then had to slap the silly out of me and remember I was in fact 26, about to be 27. 

weird. 

For now I will share 27 random things I like this very first day of being 27, on this fine cold fall day. 

in no particular order. 

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My outlook for 27

I think it will be a good year. I see more school in my future. More creativeness. More family adventures. More plans for our future as a family. 

I see a more positive outlook no matter what life throws in my face. 

I think 27 will be a good year. 

I guess now I can say 'in my late 20's' right? 

:-)

Libra

September has been a hard month for me. work has been weighing down on me. not the work itself but the people right along side me.

if its one thing I learned in the military, its we are a team. everyone is a team and we work together. now that I am a civilian I truly miss that sense of team and encouragement. its gone. i have ever before seen just how much it has gone then in September.

September made realize who I am as a person and to search deep down within myself.

 via

I turned to my mythological sign. Libra.

I am reading about who a libra really is and I a can't help but hold back the tears.

Libra Deep Inside:

They are also likely to hide or bend their own true feelings in order to bring peace with a group and to make others like them. Sometime this results in them not really knowing what their true feelings are because they are trying to make everyone happy. Other people can see this and Libras have earned themselves a reputation for being indecisive, they simply do not want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause disorder or friction in a situation. This spills over inside the person and many times, Libras have difficulty making decisions. Inside, the Libra is very insecure, they suffer from a lack of self confidence, they are always searching for something to complete them. This is another reason why they are social butterflies, it is an unconscious attempt to find the missing peace through other people. By trying to appease other people all the time, Libras don't really know who they are inside. Libras desperately need love and approval, they will do the favors that people ask and and have a hard time saying 'no' or 'I'm too busy' in order to prove how nice they are, this gradually builds up resentment and negative self esteem issues inside. Libra's indecisiveness is caused by fear, their fear that a wrong decision will make everything come crashing down around them and cause turmoil in their lives. Life is not like that and the Libra that acknowledges the fact that life has ups and downs will be less emotionally wound up, not so hard on themselves and as a result, they will be a much happier person. 

found here


I can't help but not cry because this is exactly how I have been feeling. this is who I am and to read it out like this brings chills down my spine. its like someone has been watching me and waiting for me to find this and to read it and to realize just how very right it is.

September I was trying my hardest to be the peacemaker. to try and get along with everyone. I was constantly feeling as though I was stuck in the middle and being pulled one direction and then into another direction. it has been extremely hard for me to stand up for my own right because, just like the phrase above states, I am constantly afraid that with the wrong decision, no matter how much I feel it's right deep down within myself, that decision will come crashing down around me and cause turmoil in my life.

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I have been searching for something to complete me. a change.

I am stale right now. I am weak. I am tired.

No longer will I hide behind my own fear of indecisiveness. I will stand my ground for me and for what I feel is right. no more will I be a puppet for someone elses amusement. no more will I be used for someone elses lack of laziness and no more will I allow them to throw me down because I do in fact, stand my ground, once and for all.

Its time to make a change. not only for the life around me, but for deep down within myself. to find my balance again. my inner peace and my inner happiness.

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I am so very thankful to have my little family because without them right now it would be nearly impossible. Josh and Jayden make me stronger everyday. in tough times they run through my mind. their faces, their beauty. I stand my ground for them.

for me. for us.

Who is Kasey?

Hi. My name is Kasey. But you knew that about me already, or at least I think you did. What else do you know about me? Probly not a whole lot. Over the past year I haven't really talked about me. I don't think ive ever even given hints about who I am.

I was born in Massachusetts and there I lived with my mother, father, sister, dog and 4 horses.

If it's one thing I miss most, it's riding. Boy do I miss it. Even more I miss riding at the Farm. Gosh was it pretty there, especially in the Fall! That's the trainer you see in the photo. I can't remember his name, it's been to long but he was from England and he was touuuugh but boy was he a good trainer!

Then in 2003 I graduated High School.

Shortly after I left that small little rural New England town.. The only place I have ever known with the only people I have ever known. I was on a journey. The start of my new life, all by myself. It was exhilarating. Liberating. I was anxious and ready.

Okay, it wasn't the Marines, but it was the Air Force. After some weeks of training, getting yelled at, dropping and giving 1000000000000 push-ups and running at the ass-crack of dawn until I couldn't feel my legs anymore.

I graduated. That's my flight marching by. I'm in the back somewhere. Because im short ha.

Zing! My friend made two french braids down the side of my hair. I think that was a mistake. Between the cap [we have nicknames for those caps but out of respect I will refrain from saying what it was lol] and my big head, makes me look like a Bobble head. har har har.

My travels and training brought me to Florida where I was stationed with the 1st Special Ops. 

Then I met this handsome devil.

A couple years passed. We never had a big wedding, we have lived pretty simple thus far.

Then I started to gain weight. It was weird, over the course of 9 months my belly had gotten to the size of 3 watermelons. I think it was to much brownies and vanilla ice cream    .....every night.......

Oh look. That wasn't weight gain. Silly me. Jayden was born on February 21, 2008 @ 5:30PM. Weighing in at 8lb-15oz [see to many brownies] and 21.5 inches long via emergency c-section after 18hrs of labor.

Boy has time flown by. I don't think that it's necessarily flown right by, but we have experienced so much in a short time it seems like. Makes life exciting right?

So where are we now?

Well Josh and I are now veterans. We left the military [yay, no more deployments]. I work as a Government Contractor. Not the 'construction' type contractor, but more of a general term 'contractor'. You'd be surprised how many people think I frame walls and bang nails into wood when I say 'Government Contractor'. Just about as much as the people who asked me what plane I flew in the Air Force. Between you and I, and this is our little secret - I flew an F-15 ;)

Josh has also gone on to be a Government Contractor. We both have stable hours, more freedom and we are home every night without the fear of having to be called into work at any minutes notice.

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I don't like being in photos. I hate my nose and when I take a photo it's the first thing I see it sticks out [no pun intended] like a soar thumb]. I'm like Gonzo, for real.

Many people have asked what kind of camera I have. I have a Nikon D40. It's one of the older model Nikons. Okay, not thaaaat old, but they don't make that model anymore. I have thought about upgrading but I become attached to my inanimate objects and always live by the 'If it aint broke, don't fix it'. It works just fine, just as good as it did when I first got it, so it's here to stay. I have the 55mm lens and the 200mm lens. I did have a tripod but Jayden's inner monkey came out one day and he decided to use it as a jungle gym. needless to say it now resides at the local dump. I always shoot in manual mode and hate flash. I only use flash if I get annoyed with the constant setting changes and im trying to take a ton of photos in a short period of time. I haven't mastered not having to do that yet.

I workout at the gym 4-5 days a week. It was a chore at first but now it's habit. If I go without working out for more then 2 days then I feel like goo. I guess if im going to have a habit, it mine as well be the gym right?

I am obsessed with watching Real Housewives of New Jersey. I don't like any of the other ones, but New Jersey fascinates me, however I despise Jersey Shore and just the sound of those kids making any kind of noise annoys the crap out of me. 

I love to cook but hate the mess it creates. I'm slowly coming to the point of not caring as much. If it means making a delicious meal then the dishes can sit in the sink and wait.

I have 13 tattoos. Yep, 13. No more though. I think im inked out.

My car recently went over 100000. I would be lying if I said I didn't get a little teary eyed when I saw that digital display hit '100000'. Everyone tells me it's time to get a new car. UM no. I love my car and im going to run it as long as it lets me [hello... if it ain't broke don't fix it].

My house gets messy. A lot. I hate the mess but at the same time I would rather sit on the sofa and watch my Real Housewives of New Jersey, ha! No for real, it's an unwinnable [is that even a word?] battle. Whatever.

I love to craft. I don't scrapbook though. Could never really get into it. I do love scrapbook paper though. I love to sew, paint things, draw things... pretty much anything that I can make, im all over it.

That's pretty much me in a nut shell. I know, boring right? I'm a pretty laid back kind of person. Even though im still young [26] I would rather have family time and spend some quality time with my sewing machine then go out and 'party'. I never did get into the whole party scene. Don't get me wrong though, when I turned 21 I got some good times out of my system, maybe a little to many mornings of waking up with massive hangovers, but all in all that stage of my life is behind me. I hardly even drink now and when I do [IF I do] it's wine and when I do have me some wine. It's comical. I'm a lightweight so ya. You can imagine. 

I hope you enjoyed reading through some of my story. It's about all I have right about now. I enjoy my life and my family and every morning we wake up and feel the sunshine our face I smile and thank my lucky stars. It really is a beautiful life :)