Whatever the case may be, I have been self reflecting. I feel like I need to figure out my life and sort everything out. In case your wondering [and don't worry], everything is perfectly fine, and couldn't be better, on the 'home front'. This self reflection has nothing to do with Josh or J-man, but has everything to do with myself.
You know I am in a self-reflecting kind of mood when I am listing to Yanni, David Arkenstone and drinking wine.
There has been a lot going on the past few months with something that has been hanging over my head. Im not going to get into specifics and details because I hate to go on and on about something when I, myself don't even know what will happen. What road I will take or what path is chosen for me.
There are times, and they have been seemingly more frequent lately, that I long for the day when I can finally choose my own path and my own career. I long for the day that I can open my own business, or work from home and be my own boss and feel gratitude because I accomplished something for myself and not for someone else.
Lately I just feel so over whelmed. I feel like I am carrying the world on my shoulders and trying to balance it while making my way through each day. I try to keep organized, and trust me, I love organization, however life gets so fast and ahead of me that it's hard to catch up. Sometimes I wonder if starting school right now, along with working and being a Mom, was the right thing to do... however how can I tell myself it's not the right thing to do? If not, then when is the right time? It's just something I know has to be done.
This little guy is my strength. He keeps me going. He reminds me that balancing the world on my back everyday, all day, is for his future. It's for our future. I am always striving to better myself and our life and to keep it going so that one day, he can grow up and be a wonderful young man and not have to worry or ponder.
I hate every moment that I am away from him but when he is in my arms again, he reminds me of exactly why I am away. He let's me know that maybe that world on my shoulder's isn't so heavy after all.
Most of all. He reminds me that sometimes I shouldn't worry and that I should just sit back and enjoy life and smile. Take each day as it comes and see where each day leads me towards the next day. Would my life be different if he were not here with me? I'm sure of it. But all I know is that this little boy has given me so much strength to keep going strong and that sometimes things are beyond my control and even when there are choices for me... he is the reason why I make the choices I need to be making because he is my life now. My family is my life now and they come first and foremost before everything.
And that my friends... is why you do not allow Kasey to drink wine and listen to David Arkenstone with a side of Enya. :)
